And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
