I wish I could teleport
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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