rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
