Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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