Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
