tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
smell my finger.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
