Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize