So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
