Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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