youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
