My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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