I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
