hell yes lets make some ravioli
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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