I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
