Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
