I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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