Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
