If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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