I should be sponsored by Trojan
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
