I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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