She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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