Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
