I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
