1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
