I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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