Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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