Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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