the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
