Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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