You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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