turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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