69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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