A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
