I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
