I puked a lego.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
