Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
