a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
