But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize