She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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