Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
