1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
