sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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