is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
