i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
two words: eviction party
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
