we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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