5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
