At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
