JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
