You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
