I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
