we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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