I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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