i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
