Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
