My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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