Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
