I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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