Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
