If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
