she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
