70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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