Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
