Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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