it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
