i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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