i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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