Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
