The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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