Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
