i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You left your phone here
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