i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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