i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
